Bob Djukic

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The eBay seller jazz collectors love to hate, bless Bob. Here he applies his famous marketing skills to the world of fine art.

14 thoughts on “Bob Djukic

    • …snip…
      see comments policy

      Submitted on 2012/12/30 at 04:50 | In reply to Anto Golem.

      “Comments weren’t offensive, they were the truth”
      snip
      You still don’t get it. See comments policy. No exceptions.

  1. God was looking away ten years ago.
    Even today.
    Sorry if we don’t forgive a single detail.
    We are as accurate as you but we do back the right horse.

    • Caro Dottore: I can only assure you that God was indeed with me that day . I am a living proof of his presence and protection. Perhaps some other place and time, I could again tell my story. Right now, I feel the narrative needs to rest, and the memories need to soften. May the victims forever rest in peace.

  2. Hi Bob, your salesmanship is legendary among jazz collectors, truly, you are one of the most colourful characters of the Ebay collecting scene. Everyone knows Bob Djukic. No offence intended, I don’t allow any personal attacks on my site. It is meant to be lighthearted, but if you are unhappy I am quite relaxed about taking it down.
    My sincerest condolences on your loss. Today is one anniversary none of us would ever want to have.

    • No, no. no!!! Please keep it! I am actually capable of handling humor and I think it is supremely important for everyone to see this small bit of our exchange . I may have been a bit too sick and tired this evening to fully appreciate the finer nuances of your humor. But, seriously, I hope you get my point: a certain amount of marketing melodrama is absolutely necessary if you are planning on becoming a successful online seller, and I have absolutely no remorse or sense of guilt about it. None. I can only assure you that I wasn’t born this way. It was the American laissez-faire capitalism that turned me into a marketing pyranha.

      As for me being a “legend”, I think you are being too liberal with the word. As human greatness goes, I am not even a fifth-tier debutante. I do believe in professionalism, though, and the feeling of job well done gives me an immense sense of personal gratification (material, too :-)). I harbor absolutely NO delusions of my relevance to the world. I would love to go back to my days of absolute anonymity, but I think that train left the station long ago.

      Wonderful blog, my complements!. I have a few disagreements, some factual, other philosophical, and those few I could find – and muster strength to address – I took liberty in doing so.

      Keep up the good work!.

      Bob

  3. Oh, wow… [a moment of stunned silence].

    I didn’t realize I was the object of such popular and critical veneration or that I attracted such a fierce cult following. I am humbled and flattered beyond description. I really am. To think that someone would be willing to spend a few hours of his precious and non-replenishible life in order to lampoon my unworthy work is the highest form of flattery I have ever encountered. I am near-speechless.

    OK, hold the standing ovations, please. I have something to say.

    Andy, had I created that Munch eBay listing, it definitely would not have looked anywhere near yours.

    Here’s why:

    First of all, odds of me selling a classic work of European art (on or off eBay) are rather slim. I would say zero to sub-zero. Not that I would mind, though.

    Secondly, I would not have called it “psych”, because Scandinavian expressionism predates Psychedelia by, oh, I would guess about 70 years (give or take), albeit psychedelic artists – particularly San Francisco-based ones – consistently paid homage to Jugendstil and Belle Epoque pre-expressionism (check out the cover of Tea Company’s lone album on Smash label for example, or, for that matter, Morgen’s sole album on ABC-Probe); also, calling a painting “psych” would be somewhat ridiculous, would it not?. I probably would have called it “early expressionist or turn-of-the-century-era Scandinavian existentialist masterpiece”. or something sufficiently dramatic in order to attract the bidders’ attention. Do strong marketing skills constitute a deadly transgression in your book of virtues?

    How would YOU title this auction? “Strange painting. Real Cheap. Must Sell” ?

    Then, I would not call it first PRESSING, because – obviously – it was not PRESSED in any sense of the word, and it is debatable whether it is the first, given that multiple originals exist. I would have to establish seniority among the extant copies, which would be too difficult for me to accomplish being that I have no expertise in art (except for music) auctions and appraisals, nor would I ever claim expertise about things I do not know about.

    Then, I would set the minimum bid very low (say, $500.00) to encourage bidding, but my reserve would be quite substantial. And YES, most likely the winning bid would be off of the charts. You got that one right :-)).

    Mint? Not a grade one typically uses for the works of fine art. Did I miss something in my education?

    Subtitle would also have to be revamped and reworked in a number of ways.

    EXCEEDINGLY unlikely that I would ever ship this item AT ALL (this definitely would have been a customer pick-up and nothing else). And I assure you I would not be caught dead shipping it via (gasp!) USPS First Class Mail. And if you think I would charge you only $16.00 for the shipping (assuming that I somehow agreed to ship it, after all), you probably had some strange marshmallows for breakfast.

    Paypal payment? For a $125,000,000 art masterpiece? Are you out of your London Jazz Collector’s mind???

    In addition, this definitely would have been a private auction, so you would not even be invited or be able to visit it, let alone able to cut-and-paste it or display it to the whole world. And, oh, lest I forget…the odds that the State Department would allow me to ship this work overseas (or that eBay would even allow me to list it) are infinitesimal.

    Finally, I am not a big fan of Munch’s and I typically do not sell objects I can’t emotionally connect with. More likely, I would be selling Goya, Grosz, Picasso. Modigliani, Ingres, Rembrandt, El Greco, Cezanne, Repin or Duerer, . You get the idea.

    But, hey, I like your style!. As attempts at parody go, yours was one of the subtler and more refined specimens (plus, it was moderately funny, I admit). If you wish to be my apprentice, I have an entry-level opening. When can you start :-p ?

    Now, if you wish to apply, there is a caveat: envious people need not apply. This employer cherishes and rewards the richness, width and breath of human spirit and abhors pettiness and parochialism.

    Cheers, mate,

    Bob Djukic

    NYC, September 11, 2012
    (exactly 11 years to the day I nearly lost my life in the WTC)

  4. This one is too funny, I think that in a way Bob will still me a bit flattered to see this spoof 😉

    Apparently Munch created one more, fifth, Scream in 1895: this time as a lithography.

  5. Nah, bob would try and sell you a poster of the original and call it an original (only in the small print pointing out that it may be a copy….). It would also be called a mega mega rare original….

    • Stretching the analogy a little, but the Munch/Scream which sold today for £75m was merely a pastel work up. There are actual four Screams, two pastels and two oil paintings. The oils are the definitive work, the pastels are considered “preparatory” works. However the other three are in a museum in Norway and not for sale (though you could always offer to buy Norway). So this is mega mega mega rare. The word is Qatari royal investment.

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